OFF THE ISLAND: A STUDENT'S GUIDE TO SURVIVING ABROAD
Excerpt From Chapter 3: Be Engaged
Your Social Network
One of the most critical things for anyone entering any new environment is to develop a social network of friends and colleagues. This does not mean getting on social media with your nose to a screen all day. That has become a dopamine addiction for many.
Real-life socializing, in person, face to face, will always be a critical part of enjoying a travel experience. And when getting settled into a particular place, it‘s important to cultivate a core group. And it does not mean just anybody who‘s available but specifically those who share similar experiences or values. These people become your core support group that will be a source of companionship, encouragement, and advice. Admittedly, these kinds of people and this kind of group can be hard to find, considering that developing real friendships takes time, sometimes a lifetime, to create. And it‘s surely not advisable to take significant advice from people whom you barely know. But you may be surprised at the kinds of bonds that can be made when you come into contact with people who are themselves in a similar unique situation – those like you who are also far from home.
It was through my connections with the Adventist Church in Serbia that I initially found a social network that contributed to forming my core group which kept me intact emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. Keeping the Sabbath, which is a day of rest from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset, has been important to me and was something I learned to observe from my youth. I would usually leave the student resort on a mountain called Avala where I stayed, and would travel some distance, sometimes in freezing temperatures, to spend Friday
(pg.54)
One of the most critical things for anyone entering any new environment is to develop a social network of friends and colleagues. This does not mean getting on social media with your nose to a screen all day. That has become a dopamine addiction for many.
Real-life socializing, in person, face to face, will always be a critical part of enjoying a travel experience. And when getting settled into a particular place, it‘s important to cultivate a core group. And it does not mean just anybody who‘s available but specifically those who share similar experiences or values. These people become your core support group that will be a source of companionship, encouragement, and advice. Admittedly, these kinds of people and this kind of group can be hard to find, considering that developing real friendships takes time, sometimes a lifetime, to create. And it‘s surely not advisable to take significant advice from people whom you barely know. But you may be surprised at the kinds of bonds that can be made when you come into contact with people who are themselves in a similar unique situation – those like you who are also far from home.
It was through my connections with the Adventist Church in Serbia that I initially found a social network that contributed to forming my core group which kept me intact emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. Keeping the Sabbath, which is a day of rest from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset, has been important to me and was something I learned to observe from my youth. I would usually leave the student resort on a mountain called Avala where I stayed, and would travel some distance, sometimes in freezing temperatures, to spend Friday
(pg.54)
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afternoon to Sunday evening at the Adventist Theological Seminary (Teoloski Fakultet) at a place called Banovo Brdo. There I would keep the Sabbath around like-minded youth, in addition to getting a direct crash course in Serbian culture, food, and language – with the strict Adventist overtones of no pork, no alcohol, or anything bad for you. One would be hard pressed to fully enjoy Serbian culture without a sip of rakija (Serbia‘s equivalent to vodka) or a taste of sarma (with the necessary pork mince), and after a time I had my fair share of both.
Although we had weekday classes for Serbian language at the place where I stayed, it was socializing at the seminary where I really learned to speak Serbian. As important as the language classroom is, it‘s a controlled environment. Stepping out with common people in real-life interaction for much longer periods of time than is possible in a classroom is what takes classroom learning into reality. This is why I recommend to anyone who‘s serious about language acquisition that you find some kind of regular social situation where you can talk with normal people for extended periods of time.
Conversing regularly with a friend, whom I‘ll call Milan, with his strong Bosnian accent, trained me to differentiate among the different accents and dialects used throughout the Balkan region.
Sometimes a student of theology, whom I‘ll call Zan, would meet me at Avala and show me the way to Banovo Brdo. While waiting for the buses to make that trek to Banovo Brdo, he taught me fun little things that would keep my mind ticking all the time. For example, saying ovaj bus (‗this bus‘), as opposed to ovo bus – a commonly mistaken grammatical distinction, was
afternoon to Sunday evening at the Adventist Theological Seminary (Teoloski Fakultet) at a place called Banovo Brdo. There I would keep the Sabbath around like-minded youth, in addition to getting a direct crash course in Serbian culture, food, and language – with the strict Adventist overtones of no pork, no alcohol, or anything bad for you. One would be hard pressed to fully enjoy Serbian culture without a sip of rakija (Serbia‘s equivalent to vodka) or a taste of sarma (with the necessary pork mince), and after a time I had my fair share of both.
Although we had weekday classes for Serbian language at the place where I stayed, it was socializing at the seminary where I really learned to speak Serbian. As important as the language classroom is, it‘s a controlled environment. Stepping out with common people in real-life interaction for much longer periods of time than is possible in a classroom is what takes classroom learning into reality. This is why I recommend to anyone who‘s serious about language acquisition that you find some kind of regular social situation where you can talk with normal people for extended periods of time.
Conversing regularly with a friend, whom I‘ll call Milan, with his strong Bosnian accent, trained me to differentiate among the different accents and dialects used throughout the Balkan region.
Sometimes a student of theology, whom I‘ll call Zan, would meet me at Avala and show me the way to Banovo Brdo. While waiting for the buses to make that trek to Banovo Brdo, he taught me fun little things that would keep my mind ticking all the time. For example, saying ovaj bus (‗this bus‘), as opposed to ovo bus – a commonly mistaken grammatical distinction, was
Byng, Off The Island 56
something I picked up in my first couple weeks in Belgrade before Serbian language classes even began.
So I improved my language skills while waiting for a bus, or picking up coffee, or having a drink with friends.
Sometimes Zan would tell me stories and ask lots of questions about the Caribbean. His dream was to move to Africa and work as a missionary preacher. He would sometimes complain about not feeling accepted in his home country because he is of Romani heritage, and although he was born and raised in Serbia, he never felt fully at home. He would tell stories about the difficulties of Roma peoples in general, not only in southeastern Europe, but throughout most of Europe. They were viewed as second-class citizens, considered not equal with most of Europe‘s other citizens – a struggle he always paralleled to that of blacks in America. Considered mostly as nomads and travellers, the term gypsy has been used negatively to refer to Roma peoples due to the notion that they have a tendency to constantly travel. As spurious as it may sound, it is based in some fact. Romani peoples originate from the Asian subcontinent, and some have settled while others continue to travel.
The reason I‘m mentioning this is because in the social interactions you may only find away from home, you can learn about what other people‘s lives are like and feel the wonderful or terrible things they live through. Like me, your mind will be enlightened and your heart expanded. And learning empathy is a blessing once you put it into practice.
something I picked up in my first couple weeks in Belgrade before Serbian language classes even began.
So I improved my language skills while waiting for a bus, or picking up coffee, or having a drink with friends.
Sometimes Zan would tell me stories and ask lots of questions about the Caribbean. His dream was to move to Africa and work as a missionary preacher. He would sometimes complain about not feeling accepted in his home country because he is of Romani heritage, and although he was born and raised in Serbia, he never felt fully at home. He would tell stories about the difficulties of Roma peoples in general, not only in southeastern Europe, but throughout most of Europe. They were viewed as second-class citizens, considered not equal with most of Europe‘s other citizens – a struggle he always paralleled to that of blacks in America. Considered mostly as nomads and travellers, the term gypsy has been used negatively to refer to Roma peoples due to the notion that they have a tendency to constantly travel. As spurious as it may sound, it is based in some fact. Romani peoples originate from the Asian subcontinent, and some have settled while others continue to travel.
The reason I‘m mentioning this is because in the social interactions you may only find away from home, you can learn about what other people‘s lives are like and feel the wonderful or terrible things they live through. Like me, your mind will be enlightened and your heart expanded. And learning empathy is a blessing once you put it into practice.
Byng, Off The Island 57
Eventually the time came when Zan decided he would no longer make the trek with me all the way from where I stayed at Avala to the theological seminary in Banovo Brdo. But he did take the time to meticulously write down on a piece of paper some instructions, just in case I got lost. He wrote, ‗Zdravo, trazim tramvaj koji ide do Banovo brdo . . . HVALA VAMA‘. (Hello, I‘m looking for the tram that goes to Banovo Brdo . . . THANK YOU.) And use it I did. I kept it in my wallet even after I learned to speak Serbian. These types of real-life communication methods and possibilities are as plentiful as they are helpful. In your own unique experience, I encourage you to be alert and find or create your own. Those early days in Serbia were some lonely times and I‘ll always be grateful to the friends who kept an eye out for me in so many different ways.
After initially gravitating to the young people of the Adventist Church in Belgrade and other parts of Serbia, my network would eventually expand to include people from all walks of life and different religious backgrounds with whom I could find something in common. Whether they were musicians from the different bands where I played, or others whose interests revolved around the sports I love, like cricket, football (soccer), and later on basketball. I played the bass guitar for an evangelical church called RCCG on Sunday afternoons and for a gospel band on Saturday night at a hotel. The group consisted of some local Serbians, international students, and expats. The diversity of our group looked a bit like the following: One of our lead guitarists was from Bamako Mali, the drummer and singer from Lagos Nigeria, two other singers from London UK, and the lead singer at the time from Angola – a band of
Byng, Off The Island 57
Eventually the time came when Zan decided he would no longer make the trek with me all the way from where I stayed at Avala to the theological seminary in Banovo Brdo. But he did take the time to meticulously write down on a piece of paper some instructions, just in case I got lost. He wrote, ‗Zdravo, trazim tramvaj koji ide do Banovo brdo . . . HVALA VAMA‘. (Hello, I‘m looking for the tram that goes to Banovo Brdo . . . THANK YOU.) And use it I did. I kept it in my wallet even after I learned to speak Serbian. These types of real-life communication methods and possibilities are as plentiful as they are helpful. In your own unique experience, I encourage you to be alert and find or create your own. Those early days in Serbia were some lonely times and I‘ll always be grateful to the friends who kept an eye out for me in so many different ways.
After initially gravitating to the young people of the Adventist Church in Belgrade and other parts of Serbia, my network would eventually expand to include people from all walks of life and different religious backgrounds with whom I could find something in common. Whether they were musicians from the different bands where I played, or others whose interests revolved around the sports I love, like cricket, football (soccer), and later on basketball. I played the bass guitar for an evangelical church called RCCG on Sunday afternoons and for a gospel band on Saturday night at a hotel. The group consisted of some local Serbians, international students, and expats. The diversity of our group looked a bit like the following: One of our lead guitarists was from Bamako Mali, the drummer and singer from Lagos Nigeria, two other singers from London UK, and the lead singer at the time from Angola – a band of
Byng, Off The Island 58
globetrotters. Between practices and going on stage, my weekends were filled with music—and with cultural diversity that enriched my life.
Looking at your own connections and interests, think about the potential benefits that could be had from more social interaction; the relationships and the experiences I guarantee would be worth it.
I was always fortunate to have a core social group within which I was able to stay active and maintain a balanced existence while away from home. Staying active and engaged in activities in addition to school usually kept me from falling into the deep nostalgic slumps that many of my colleagues often went through. It‘s important to note, however, that regardless of how active you stay, moments of depression or melancholy induced by the cultural shock of a new environment are to be expected. Don‘t worry about them; they‘re normal. Staying active and consistently involved – preferably in constructive, not destructive, activity – surely eases those feelings
Byng, Off The Island 58
globetrotters. Between practices and going on stage, my weekends were filled with music—and with cultural diversity that enriched my life.
Looking at your own connections and interests, think about the potential benefits that could be had from more social interaction; the relationships and the experiences I guarantee would be worth it.
I was always fortunate to have a core social group within which I was able to stay active and maintain a balanced existence while away from home. Staying active and engaged in activities in addition to school usually kept me from falling into the deep nostalgic slumps that many of my colleagues often went through. It‘s important to note, however, that regardless of how active you stay, moments of depression or melancholy induced by the cultural shock of a new environment are to be expected. Don‘t worry about them; they‘re normal. Staying active and consistently involved – preferably in constructive, not destructive, activity – surely eases those feelings
Byng, Off The Island 59
Hang around with Smart People
When I was just starting high school, my dad gave me a piece of advice that I believe to this day got me successfully through both high school and other academic endeavors. He simply said, ‗Son, hang around with the smart children‘. Of course it wasn‘t as simple as that, but one can pick up certain habits from high achievers.
Eventually, while in high school, I developed my own group of friends with whom I shared similar interests, especially football (soccer). These were good kids at heart, but we just had an interest in quintessentially ‗teenage boy stuff‘, like going after the girls, skipping class to play football (soccer), and sometimes engaging in what some may consider self-destructive pursuits. I surely wasn‘t a girl-chasing playboy, but they surely were; and as a member of a sports clique in high school, we simply assumed that we could get away with more than the average student could dream of.
Although I strayed sometimes, for the most part, I took my father‘s advice. I observed the ways of the ‗smart children‘ – how they sat at the front of the class, asked questions, and did their homework. And the more introverted types had one-on-one discussions with teachers outside of class, whether walking to class or leaving. They weren‘t the most popular, but they practiced small habits that you‘d recognize if you paid attention. Usually, but not always, these types of students had parents who had attended university and were part of that professional class in Trinidad and Tobago, a country who‘s previous generation
Hang around with Smart People
When I was just starting high school, my dad gave me a piece of advice that I believe to this day got me successfully through both high school and other academic endeavors. He simply said, ‗Son, hang around with the smart children‘. Of course it wasn‘t as simple as that, but one can pick up certain habits from high achievers.
Eventually, while in high school, I developed my own group of friends with whom I shared similar interests, especially football (soccer). These were good kids at heart, but we just had an interest in quintessentially ‗teenage boy stuff‘, like going after the girls, skipping class to play football (soccer), and sometimes engaging in what some may consider self-destructive pursuits. I surely wasn‘t a girl-chasing playboy, but they surely were; and as a member of a sports clique in high school, we simply assumed that we could get away with more than the average student could dream of.
Although I strayed sometimes, for the most part, I took my father‘s advice. I observed the ways of the ‗smart children‘ – how they sat at the front of the class, asked questions, and did their homework. And the more introverted types had one-on-one discussions with teachers outside of class, whether walking to class or leaving. They weren‘t the most popular, but they practiced small habits that you‘d recognize if you paid attention. Usually, but not always, these types of students had parents who had attended university and were part of that professional class in Trinidad and Tobago, a country who‘s previous generation
Byng, Off The Island 60
of my father was largely stifled by an absence of educational opportunity. Their families had a tradition of structured learning. This truly matters when it comes to formal education. Having parents acquainted with the inner workings of the educational system makes navigating the process much easier. For me, although I had an aunt and uncle who had been through university, there was a lot I had to figure out on my own, to actually get into uni. As I may have mentioned earlier, I was fortunate enough to have a dad who was a good reader, and I patterned my learning after what I saw him do. Which was, simply, to read often.
So I did take my father‘s advice, and observed the smart pupils. To this day, even at the university level, I still keep to my father‘s old advice. I observe my colleagues, and instead of feeling hate and envy when I watch students who excel, as is a common reflex of many, I learn by watching them. What people in your world do you observe or associate with who would give you a positive example that pulls you up? You‘ll come across so many people you can learn a lot from while studying abroad, and others whose example you should learn not to emulate. Choose wisely.
Byng, Off The Island 60
of my father was largely stifled by an absence of educational opportunity. Their families had a tradition of structured learning. This truly matters when it comes to formal education. Having parents acquainted with the inner workings of the educational system makes navigating the process much easier. For me, although I had an aunt and uncle who had been through university, there was a lot I had to figure out on my own, to actually get into uni. As I may have mentioned earlier, I was fortunate enough to have a dad who was a good reader, and I patterned my learning after what I saw him do. Which was, simply, to read often.
So I did take my father‘s advice, and observed the smart pupils. To this day, even at the university level, I still keep to my father‘s old advice. I observe my colleagues, and instead of feeling hate and envy when I watch students who excel, as is a common reflex of many, I learn by watching them. What people in your world do you observe or associate with who would give you a positive example that pulls you up? You‘ll come across so many people you can learn a lot from while studying abroad, and others whose example you should learn not to emulate. Choose wisely.
Off the Island chronicles the journey of a teenager who traveled some 5,000 miles away from his Caribbean island home in Trinidad to the Balkan country of Serbia. His firsthand account is not only a manual for travelers and those working, studying, and living abroad, it is also a guide that emphasizes the value of travel and education as two of the major pillars to individual advancement.
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